nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
