whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
