I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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