Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
