Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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