Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
