i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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