My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
