I wish my penis had an off switch
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
im on a boat
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