I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize