Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
