I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
