good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
