you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
