What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
