I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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