so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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