It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
