This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
