Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
