worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the day after is always just damage control
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
