Pants 0. Shit 1.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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