im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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