Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize