I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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