my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
