bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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