Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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