Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
