Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My bed smells like the plague
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
