Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
