So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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