he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
