I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
