Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
