The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i out mim tonsoeep
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