I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
