I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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