Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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