lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
