remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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