I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
