I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
