her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
