Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
