So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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