once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
