I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
