I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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