who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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