God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
sarcasm needs its own font
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
