I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
