Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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