my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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