dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
handjob tips. give me some.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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