I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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