Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
