I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I touched a dick in church today
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
