Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
