Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
