What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
