All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
