Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
