the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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