i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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