One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
