I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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