Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
