R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
