i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
