He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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